My daughter turned nine on April 24.
Mother’s day was also almost two weeks ago.
Two major dates for me to write and publish this post.
Each year on this day, we celebrate the greatest gift that I could have ever been given. Even though she stole my birthday, the day she came into this world will always be my favorite.
As she’s getting older, it is both amazing and unbelievably scary watching her grow into her own person.
From the moment my cheese ball was born, she’s been a big baby.
I mean just look at how tall she is for her age!
The journey of Motherhood is not easy, and my daughter has taught me many valuable life lessons these last nine years.
There have been lot of times where I’ve had to take a step back and re-think what I expect from her because, although she looks older, she’s still a little kid.
But then there are other moments where I’m thrown off a little and say, “Wait is she trying to take advantage of my love?”
When it comes to motherhood, we tend overthink the majority of time. We put unattainable expectations thinking we are wonder woman and often compare our parenting skills to our own mothers.
Real life pressures have helped me realize that motherhood is not something you can figure out 100% of the time, despite the image that that perfect social media moms try to sell.
Below I am sharing nine lessons my daughter has taught me these nine years I’ve been able to spend with her.
Before I was a mother, I would to hold grudges towards everyone that did me wrong.
Take, for example, my daughter’s father.
It is still a touchy subject for me to talk about. Even then, although he has not been around, I can truthfully say that I have forgiven him and don’t hold anything against him.
A lot of people question the fact that I don’t go around talking crap left and right about him for not being around.
From the moment I knew he didn’t want anything to do with my daughter, I accepted it. I moved on and am not resentful towards him.
My daughter brought me that peace the moment I found out about her.
If I didn’t forgive him, my daughter would likely grow up in a toxic environment and that thought killed me.
I didn’t want that for her.
Teaching her forgiveness will be more of a challenge, but just how she has thought me, I am confident I will do the same for her.
2. Everything your mama told you once is TRUE
Boy this is so TRUE!!!
Remember those fights you used to have with your mom? Maybe even still have to this day because she’s telling you something you don’t want to hear?
I didn’t quite appreciate those things until my daughter turned 6.
I must admit having a girl has been a bit scary, mainly because I worry about her having my attitude.
Confession: I had a really bad attitude growing up. I was very stubborn and it always had to be what I said, nothing else that mattered.
Thinking about it, I think I still do.
All those things my mom used to tell me (that I disliked) have always been true and it didn’t make sense until I had my daughter.
3. Slow Down
This has been difficult for me since becoming a mom.
Probably even before that.
Growing up, I always wished I was older. I acted older, rushed into things I wasn’t ready for, enjoyed having older friends, and being around older people.
Something I regretted once I actually got older.
Ya know? That shocking moment you finally learn that you have to pay bills and such in order to survive….
Slowing down is a conversation I have with my daughter often.
It’s no secret that I baby my daughter too much. Trust me, I know.
There are days where I literally just want to sit and cry, just thinking about her becoming a teen, what those years might be like and the fights we could have… I don’t want that day to get here.
Sadly they are slowly and rapidly happening at the same time
*Cries in Spanish*
I always tell her how important it is for her to enjoy every single moment and day as a child.
How important it is to slow down in life because once we grow up things are so different.
4. I can’t do it all alone
Another one that took me a while to realize.
As a single mom, I believed I was more powerful than superwoman. Ha! Who was I kidding?!
As I’ve mentioned somewhere in my blog before, when I had my daughter I took my role almost too seriously.
I assumed that, since I was a single mom, I was not allowed to reach out to anyone whether it was for help or advice, you name it.
A few years later, it finally hit me hard.
Like REALLY hard. And I realized that I was wrong.
I cannot tell you how helpful it has been to be able to open up more to my family and friends, even if I just need a hug to remind myself that I am not alone.
5. Practice more vulnerability
My daughter tends to be very vulnerable.
So now I am too.
It’s totally okay to show your vulnerability and show that we are not bulletproof.
It took me a while to learn that it was OK for me to be more vulnerable and let my walls down.
Although this is a behavior we should allow in our lives, we also have to learn the importance of not letting others take advantage of that vulnerability.
Which is something that I’m working on explaining to my daughter.
She’s having quite a difficult time trying to balance that out but she’s only 9, and I understand she won’t get it right away.
6. Your casa will stay a mess, regardless
Unless you are like my mom.
Growing up we weren’t allowed to play with our toys so we wouldn’t make a mess.
Yep, you read that right! My mom was a neat freak. I remember I had this dollhouse full of barbies but wasn’t really allowed to play with them because my mom’s house needed to be spotless.
She was so crazy about neatness that she would even iron my dad’s underwear!
I mean who does THAT! 😲
I knew for a fact that I did not want to be like that. Not to mention, we live in a different era.
We are mothers full time and the majority also work full time.
There are days that it truly gets to us. Like when we didn’t get to wash those dishes in the sink, but give yourself a break.
Look at everything else YOU HAVE ACCOMPLISHED that day.
A neat house will always be a work in progress, TRUST me!
(Unless you got extra dinero to hire a maid!)
7. Get out of your comfort zone
This one right here is still difficult for me at times.
I have always been sort of a selfish person.
So, when it comes to doing things that I am not really into or don’t like, I still think of myself first rather than thinking of what the outcome would be or if my daughter will enjoy it.
I know. I know.
I have been working on that too.
Usually, this would include things that would get me out of my comfort zone or things I don’t like to do.
As time passes by I’ve learned to think, not just about myself first, but her.
8. Being a single mom is overwhelming
I know it’s hard to get up every day and have these little and not so little one’s rely on you full time.
I know sometimes you may not even want to be smothered in all their love because you are human and you want 10 freaking minutes to yourself. You want to not be touched or hear “Mami” every two seconds.
You wonder what it’s like for your friends who have partners who come home every night and help out with dinner, baths and the bedtime routine.
You fantasize about having family time every weekend like your friends and their families do. What it must be to have someone give you a break and not feel so guilty about it. As much as we rock single motherhood, sometimes it sucks, but it’s completely okay to feel that way. Many of your friends or family won’t understand the feelings you have and everything you carry trying to figure out motherhood. Always remember that you are not alone. Single motherhood brings out the highest of highs and the lowest lows. But it’s you and you alone that makes this world spin for your kiddos and just know the impact you will have on them as they grow older.
Always take a deep breath and look at the smiles on you kids faces this will bring you comfort that everything will be okay.
9. Letting her go
It’s been difficult for me to let her go and understand she’s not mine.
Not be able to control certain things, situations or protect her 24/7.
I am struggling with understanding she’s now 9 years old and she needs more space and be more independent.
Learn to understand the involvement of hormones and attitudes. Gosh this is been a challenge so far, I pray everyday that I learn quick how to handle my emotions and guide my daughter the right way.
What are some challenges you have had to face so far in motherhood?